Part II, Written by By Papatia Feauxzar of Between Sisters, SVP
Our prophet sallallahu aleihi wassalam said, “The person to whom Allah gives a child must give him a nice name, must raise the child right, must teach the child when s/he reaches puberty, and must start making arrangements to wed his or her offspring. If the parent doesn’t plan for these things and that the child sins, the parent is responsible for the sin.”
Now, no one said to force your children in marriage at an early age or worse, make plans for them. What you need to do, is to instill the fear of Allah in them. If there is no Allah everything is possible in the bad way. And if there is Allah everything is possible in a good way. If they learn to fear Allah, they’ll not deviate from the right path insha’Allah. That said, no one is perfect and we also learn from our mistakes but it’s better not to learn the hard way.
Therefore, that’s why we need to tell children who reach puberty about condoms and other methods to protect themselves from diseases and unwanted pregnancies if they decide to be sexually active. We have to be honest with ourselves and admit that teenagers can’t be tamed to a specific mold. They are curious about sex and their private parts. And it’s normal. Satisfying that curiosity with proper sexual education is what will stop the wondering and appease their mind. Keeping secrets is actually thrilling. However, when things are in broad day light and the light shone upon, they kinda loose their appeal. I can guarantee that being open about this taboo can change the dynamics. If children know what they risk by being sexually active, they will think twice before doing anything.
Trying to hide the truth about sexuality to them is not helping them. Au contraire, it worsens things. Why? Because many non-educated teenagers do the following which is not an exhaustive list:
–They learn about sexuality from their friends under unsupervised eyes
– They become secretive about their whereabouts and actions
– They start to be sexually active without the knowledge of their closed-minded or careless parents
– They get unwanted diseases (some for life), pregnancies, abortions, die, etc.
– They also don’t know who to tell and how to report the abuse!
– They fear sexuality from a young age and view it as something dirty and unhealthy for the rest of their lives
– They see sex as a chore; a needed chore for just reproduction instead of a fun relaxing activity
– They have no idea that sex is holy and an act of worship if done within halal boundaries.
The proof? It is Sunnah to make duas before the act: “Bismillah, Allahumma jannibna-sh-shaitan, wa jannibi-sh-shaitan ma razaqtana (In the name of Allah, O Allah, keeps us away from the devil, and keep the devil away from what you may grant us).” Muslim
In conclusion, we all need to realized that sexual education is a needed subject to be discussed and taken seriously. Everyone should be aware of its importance and report, anonymously or not, to the abuse hotlines which are very common these days. Without sexual education, things look ugly for newlyweds and marriage; half our deen. It also endangers our children who can turn into abusers themselves. The cycle never ends and we will continue perversely that way. We must stop being prudish. We must not be vulgar either. We should just be moderate and show haya and tact when we discuss this sexual education.#SexEd
Note: ‘The Written vs. NOT Written Stuff’ is a copyrighted collaborative feature series bringing forward attention towards serious issues within the global Muslim communities. This is a joint initiative of two Muslimah writers, Papatia Feauxzar of Djarabi Kitabs Publishing and Saadia Haq of The Human Lens. We will be pleased to hear your feedback, here at wordpress or through email which ever medium works for you. Copyrights @2015 – 2016