I am sitting in my living room, sipping on a cup of tea and watching my all-time favorite TV series. It is almost midnight and my husband and children are asleep.
This is my time to surf the net, to write, to read, to do some art or just to watch a bit of TV. Let me rephrase, this is MY time or what some may call “ME” time. It is the moment I, as a mother, let out a long sigh after yet another chaotic, yet rewarding day.
I did good today and I deserve a reward even if it is something as simple as a cup of tea, I think to myself as I lean back against the sofa. And then the boulder hits me-the guilt hits me. If I feel so relieved that my children are asleep, does that mean I love them any less than a mother should?
I need to remind myself what it means sometimes just to make myself feel good about it again…feel less guilty. I say this because by the end of each day, I am just so tired.
Motherhood is definitely deeper than the labor, birth and upbringing process.
Some of what motherhood entails may seem discouraging to those who are expecting or who are family-planning. In my case as in many other mothers´ cases, there is one child asking questions, while the other child needs something else and the next thing one knows, it seems like the children are competing to see who has the loudest voice or who can get the most of Mommy´s attention! Then, the mother finds her once-calm self fuming from within until her head seems ready to pop off and roll over onto the floor. At that moment, the mother wonders why her children have forgotten that they have a father?!
I once complained to someone about how my children are always about “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.”
“Enjoy it while it lasts because one day, they will grow out of it,” she said.
I realized how true her words were, especially when my four year-old daughter gets offended if someone calls her cute.
“I am not cute!” She replies. “I am beautiful.”
She is potty-trained and knows how to correctly use the words, compare, otherwise, translucent and duplicate in complete sentences. She is growing up, but she still needs “Mommy” more than she needs “Daddy.” I guess the mother is nurture and the father is friend?
Motherhood is a role that is three times more important than the role of a father, according to Islamic belief. Furthermore, she is her child´s first teacher/school.
After my eldest daughter was born, I recited basic surahs including Surah Al-Fatiha every night. She made me so proud when she could recite it at the mere age of two opening up my eyes to how effective it is to recite surahs to children from as early as within the womb. According to www.babycenter.com, unborn babies have superb sense of hearing so playing or reciting the Qur´an while pregnant, has a tremendous impact.
My youngest daughter is learning new words every day which means she is a good listener. She likes to sit next to me and repeat words. Every time I sneeze, she says “Alhumdulilah.” She surprises me every day with new knowledge she puts into practice.
Motherhood is sacrifice of moments like “ME” time, but with every moment sacrificed is a better moment gained: a child´s laughter, a child´s embrace, a child´s kiss on the cheek, a child´s “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy” and a child´s “I love you.” In return, a mother laughs, embraces, kisses on the cheek, feels loved and loves.
I did good today and I deserve a reward even if it is something as simple as a cup of tea, I think to myself as I lean back against the sofa again, no longer feeling guilty.
I reflect on, What is motherhood? What is(are) my role(s) as a mother? After all, one would like to think that one has an important role to fulfill in life and that in some way, small or big, that role has been fulfilled.