As any couple can imagine, it is a very difficult to realization or accept that something is wrong and professional help is needed. Many a times nagging problems of the past keep on consistently putting hurdles in the progress of the relationship and this is when you know you need therapy. And once a couple realizes that professional help is what they need and they put aside their egos to accept that fact then they soon realize it was all worth the effort.
If you are seriously considering counseling for your marriage then consider and think about the following:
Look for the Benefits
Some benefits you should consider when making the decision. Seeing these benefits can help you in making the decision.
1. Counseling keeps things from escalating.
2. You have been a steaming pot cooking for a few days and need to release the air pressure but your partner doesn’t even notice it. And you need a place to tell him/her without escalating the issue even more.
3. You want to find out and let your partner know about why and when you lash out in a controlled environment.
4. Many replayed scenes over the years can be managed by the counselor and he/she can get to the heart of the issue for you.
5. Hopefully less fights at home now that you can share your thoughts with a mediator (counselor) in your sessions.
6. Have your say in a open environment with a voice.
7. You both realize that both of you are working hard to make it work which increases your love for each other. Just the fact that both of you are there makes a difference to your partner.
Choose your Advisor
The right advisor is the one with the mixture of expertise, experience, personality, right style for you and your spouse and in line with your religious and cultural values. Be prepared to shop around before you make your choice and the best place to look is through people you trust (like family friends, imams, community leaders) and not the yellow pages. One thing to avoid when looking for an advisor is to consult or let your loved ones weigh in with their thoughts on your situation. This will start a side taking approach within your marriage and will lead to more problems than solutions. One other issue to consider is that many companies and insurance plans cover counseling and many government programs sometimes also cover counseling so make sure you find out if you are covered as it can help you in getting the best possible help without paying.
Try to get a Man to go
This is the biggest hurdle that couples face in going to counseling. The man in the relationship always thinks that they don’t need counseling and aren’t willing to pay for it. They see no value in it and see most counselors as money hungry scammers. So how do you encourage or convince them to go. Below are a few tips:
1. Men gravitate towards places where they believe they will be well received. So find a place and an advisor you think your husband will be comfortable with and will perceive his reception to be pleasant.
2. Resist saying we should, have to and do this but rather use examples of good things he did in the past and say I want us to have times like that and you are amazing and we can be amazing if we find out how we can achieve that when we are together.
3. Don’t blame him but rather use terms like working on our marriage and making each other happier.
4. Your husband will most likely want a Male therapist and in this case its either a Male or nothing. So take what you can get in terms of counseling.