The wedding season is upon us! Welcome summer weddings with bright smiles and lovely flowers! For the most part, the brides I have come across have been all smiles and frequent daydreaming, however, there is an altogether different side to these lovely, smiling and radiant brides, and if you happen to see them in one of their ‘’modes’’ you might want to consider staying a spinster for a while!
What mode is that you ask? Why, it’s the pre-wedding jitters mode! I call it ‘’mode’’ because a bride- to-be goes through so many feelings, you can easily classify them into modes. There’s the happy mode, the bridezella mode and then the pre-wedding jitters mode, which involves a bucket full of tears if not a tsunami! Here is a list of a few universal jitters every bride is guaranteed to go through before the big day. So, if you’re a bride-to-be and you are experiencing these feelings, worry not!
1. You have heard, read or probably seen some marriages fail:
Marriage is a big change and it comes with a lot of fears and uncertainties, especially if you are all too aware of some marriages having failed. It is only natural to fear how yours would turn out and you pray that nothing goes wrong. This is a very genuine fear, regardless of your knowledge on the divorce rate. However, keep in mind not all marriages are the same and yours could be as beautiful as you wish it to be. To ensure that it is indeed a success, you ought to do just one thing- increase the dose of duas!
2. It’s time to leave your family:
This is by far the most painful realization that comes with getting married and is exclusive to brides in most cultures if not all. The sacrifice parents make for their children cannot be compensated and giving a daughter away is an even bigger sacrifice for them, for it is the natural way of life and has to be seen through. If you are falling into depression at the thought of leaving your parents, then know that they are equally pained. But, worry not! For this is just a fear and you are not being snatched away from them, think of it as welcoming another family into your life rather than leaving your own!
3. Friendships change..
Your parents aren’t the only ones you leave to start a new life, there’s another group of annoying, loving and caring beings you are leaving behind and they are your friends. You think of all the happy memories with them and you cannot help but cry at the realization that things are about to change big time. Keep in mind, real friends will always be there for you no matter which part of the world you are in, and things cannot possibly remain the same forever, as everyone has to move on with life! Real friendships strengthen with time and there’s no reason for yours to end with any major change in life!
4. Responsibilities, responsibilities and more responsibilities!
If you are a working woman, juggling work and home can be a challenging task and will take some time to master the art. You can no longer be daddy’s little girl or mama’s princess. This is an equally exciting and scary task, especially if you are used to being pampered, the thought of so much to handle may cause hyperventilation!
5. Adjusting to the new lifestyle:
You could have a lot of similarities with your to-be new family, but it is going to be a different kind of lifestyle nonetheless, for every household is different with a different set of rules. Thinking about your inability to adapt to change can cause major freaking out!
Getting into an arranged marriage, compatibility with the to-be spouse is the biggest of all concerns!! No two people hold the same perception and having major clashes in the way we hold certain ideas and plans can lead to a lot of negativity. However, to narrow it down, an entire lifetime is not enough to get to really know a person, for humans are subject to constant change! Compatibility is something that can be judged over time, not over a few conversations! No wonder they say marriage is a gamble!
7. We all need love!
While there is no one definition of love but a billion variations of it according to each person, love is, despite all, the one thing we all need. Thanks to Disney and a certain Mr. Darcy (if you’re into Pride and Prejudice) we have a notion of undying, uncomplicated love that goes beyond eternity. Now, these things sound great in books and movies, but we know too well the reality of it all. There is no happily ever after in this world and marriage is just the beginning! The fear of not being loved by the one person is sure to make you fall into depression!
It is a good thing to be self-critical as it makes you aware of your short-comings and you earnestly try to better yourself each day. However, with the wedding looming so close, you begin to doubt your ability to deal with the ups and downs of marriage. This is a fear that will probably make you sweat but will also most likely prepare you mentally for the challenges you could face and build in you a resolve to deal with the challenges with a positive attitude!
To all the lovely brides-to-be! Do not spoil your happiness with these jitters as they are quite common and almost everyone goes through these. The thought of reconsidering your decision due to fears is normal, but keep in mind, overwhelming fear and doubt is not a healthy thing and if your gut says something is wrong, then maybe you should really pay attention to it! If your jitters are limited to these, fear not, for everything will fall into place with time and once you are blissfully married in sha Allah, all these fears will seem like a hazy dream!
Wishing you all a prosperous, wonderful and blessed beginning!