What To Do When In An Asexual Relationship

Bismillah,

You will find a lot of information on how to rekindle a romance but very little information on how to deal with asexuality in a Muslim marriage. What is asexuality? Check this post to read more on it. As you can see the reasons for being asexual can differ.

The main thing is that an asexual person can have low or absent interest in sex.

For many Muslims men though it is that they believe that this is what we will doing in the after-life anyways so they are willing to forsake the happiness of their partner for this reason; to keep their eyes on this prize which will not compare to the glimpse of this life orgasm. These men qualify as being asexual because their libido has changed. And at first they will give you many nonsensical reasons for this non-interest until one day the real reason comes out. If you tell me this, I will tell you, “If you aren’t intimate with me in this life, I’ll not let you be blissfully intimate with me in the next life.” I’m serious but you can laugh for my directness.

All jokes aside, I want to discuss a little bit what to do when you have already tied the knot and you want to bring about a change when dealing with asexuality. If you face this conundrum:

1. You can leave

This is the option you choose when being intimate regularly is what you need to stay fulfilled. You don’t want to consider haram outlets like cheating and adultery, so you best leave and restart over with a partner that shares your love for sex.

2. You can stay

This is the option you chose when there is more at stake here than a few hours of good times. A good time that somewhat and indirectly affects all aspects of a marriage to be honest.

 

If you chose option 1, make sure your past relationship serves you as a guide if you decide to remarry. Don’t make the same mistake twice.

If you chose option 2, make sure you have no regret. This means that after careful consideration, your marriage is much more valuable than sex on the regular. Perhaps you came to this decision because your partner is not perfect but has other qualities you believe you won’t be able to find out there. You basically compromise. To stay fulfilled, you can do several things:

  • Love and pamper yourself. Do things for you and nobody else. Do you!
  • Connect with your Creator on a deeper level because He will give you happiness.
  • Find another outlet such as writing, food, etc. a hobby you have a passion for.
  • Masturbate if you need to. Yes, you read right, masturbate and enjoy it. It will help you relieve the urge and the inevitable pressure. Read my post here on this taboo.
  • Work on yourself and strive to become a better person.

 

Asexuality is a rising issue in many Muslim households. Don’t force your partners to make you love. Put yourselves in their shoes and let them be. If after even reading the scripture that says we have rights upon each other they still act the way they want to act, don’t sweat it. Move on and DO YOU.

 

Jazakh’Allah khair for reading,

 

Papatya*

Papatia Feauxzar

Papatia Feauxzar is the Love & Relationship Editor of Hayati Magazine. Feauxzar is also an American author of West African descent living in Dallas, Texas with her son and husband. She holds a master’s degree in Accounting with a concentration in Personal Finance. After working as an accountant for a corporate firm for almost five years, Feauxzar decided to pursue Accounting from home while homeschooling her son. You can visit her website at www.djarabikitabs.com.

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