When Communication Is Not Enough

Bismillah,

Too much communication can ruin a relationship like no communication can. I shall explain later but for now I want to digress a bit. Often times, we strive to keep the line of communication open in our marriages but it gets to a point where it is not enough.

So what do I mean by communication is pointless?

1. The peaceful and grown up dialogue ended with no real understanding or solutions

What can you do when you’re faced with such an issue? I mean you went in thinking that sitting to clear the air will improve things between you. But to your surprise, the conversation ended with you being more perturbed compared to pre-dialogue.

Well, you can try another angle and pray Allah to guide you to do what’s best. Some spouses don’t like when you beat a dead horse. You’ll come up as an annoying wood pecker constantly nagging about the same issues. So it’s best to try another day after you get a different perspective to approach the problem that seems to divide you.

2. Failing to put yourself in your spouse shoes or even compromise

You can communicate all you want but if you don’t take a step back to put yourselves in each other’s shoes and try to compromise every once in a while, your relationship is perhaps a sitting duck. In other words, your demands are falling into deaf ears. People don’t change. Let me say it again, people never change. They might inhibit themselves to act better but they always stay true to themselves. Like they say, le naturel revient au galop (what is bred in the bone will come out in the flesh).

3. Communication is also pointless if you’re a people pleaser

In every relationships, there will be the person that loves avoiding conflicts. Or both spouses will be this way. I can get very confrontational because I now know that avoiding conflict is like chipping at your relationship. It’s a band-aid solution as I like to call short term fixes. In the long run, not fighting the good fights will eat at your soul, happiness, and foundation of your relationship. Why? Because there is so much you can take before the tipping point!

4. Your spouse does not possess a telepathic communication device

This is an advice to myself first. Truly, they don’t. One minute spouses can understand each other and the next it’s confusion. In fact, half of the time, most spouses don’t know what the other is thinking. It’s normal. So when you expect your spouse to read your mind about anything and he and she doesn’t, just chill. It’s not always about you.

In conclusion, you don’t have to be always talking or communicating to have a great marriage or relationship. There are always exceptions to rules. There will always be. Enjoy the conversation-less moments you share. It’s a connection even if it’s silent. A lot of spouses don’t like talking but they will meet you half-way every once in a while. Just go with the flow. Why? Because there is certainly something else they expect you to do that you do half-way because that’s what a compromise is.

May Allah protect us all from the evil eye and grant us Jannat al-firdaus by our spouses’ sides, amiin.

Jazakh’Allah khair for reading,

Papatya*

 

Papatia Feauxzar

Papatia Feauxzar is the Love & Relationship Editor of Hayati Magazine. Feauxzar is also a Muslim Publisher and an American author of West African descent living in Dallas, Texas with her son and husband. She holds a master’s degree in Accounting with a concentration in Personal Finance. After working as an accountant for a corporate firm for almost five years, Feauxzar decided to pursue Accounting from home while homeschooling her son. You can visit her website at www.djarabikitabs.com.

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