Part II authored by Papatia Feauxzar here
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah would have them to guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat-a light tap that leave no mark them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance); for Allah is most High and Great (above you all). If you fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers. If they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation; for Allah has full knowledge and is acquainted with all things.” (Quran: An-Nisaa 34-35)
Islam doesn’t support violence against any creature especially women. Read here to know more on the proper way to deal with an unruly wife. Please, using violence doesn’t mean you’re in control. It says rather that you’re a monster and not a good Muslim.
When I was single, I used to pray jumah at a Pakistani mosque in the neighborhood I used to live in. to this date, this mosque holds a special place in my heart because the sermons were always on point, the community was very generous, and the Imam was a nice man. This nice Imam used to complain about the educated men in the community that attended the mosque based on what their women would report to him. You know why? Because these men with good paying jobs and higher education degrees should know better than to beat their wives! I’m not saying that it’s okay to beat your wife if you didn’t go to school. I’m just saying that uneducated men can make a case that they didn’t know better. That said these uneducated men set the trend for the domestic violence problem we have today. These first generation educated men grew up in houses where they saw their parents abuse women on a daily basis.
Like Saadia already pointed out, these boys see this as normal behavior and repeat these actions later in their lives with no remorse when they grow up. This domestic violence is then projected outside and then plague women in public because of twisted ways of reckoning.
With all that said, our beloved Prophet (sallallahu aleihi wassalam) didn’t go to school but he advised his followers not to hurt women. So there is no excuse to be rough with women.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. So what if your wife talks back to you, doesn’t listen, is hard-headed. Instead of following the proper sunnah, you unleash on her and beat her like an animal.
She could also be too polite and innocent. But because you have twitchy hands, you take advantage of your power over her and give her a serious beating because you’re mad at thin air or simply because you can. Just because you have a peepee doesn’t mean you own her or that it’s your God-given right to inflict pain on her whenever you feel like it. Your good behavior you take after our Rasul (sallallahu aleihi wassalam) makes you a great man instead, my friend.
Don’t you feel ashamed afterwards when you try to sleep with her like nothing happened? She’s not your property but a garment to you. You should feel dirty inside when you take by force something that doesn’t belong to you. To this day, it baffles me the way some men love to rape women they couldn’t have slept with under normal conditions. This is the case of men that rape women in war. This is the case of men that rape women at night because they were supposed to be at home. This is also the case of men that rape women because as husbands, their sexual rights must ‘always’ be fulfilled regardless of the wives’ emotions and mental states. Try fasting a few days a month to get your horny side under control.
Such men have extreme ways of thinking when it comes to women. What makes them think that they have to take it upon themselves to violate a woman who doesn’t belong to them to teach her a lesson? What makes them think they can kill a woman to protect their honor? What makes them think they can decide her fate? The last time I checked, zina was a sin. Again, two wrongs don’t make a right. The last time I checked, killing was also a sin. Finally, the last time I checked, a Muslim woman was entitled to her freedom and independence. It’s very hypocritical to say hijab is a choice when behind closed doors, you force her to wear it. Where is the choice in that? It’s a joke! And Allah doesn’t like hypocrites. Let her make her own choices whether good and bad. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) is the only one that saves people and keeps who He wants on siratal mustaqim-the straight path.
To men that sexually martyr women for their own pleasure or because they think they’re doing us a favor, you should be castrated. I will end with one of my favorite quote in the book Normal Calm, “If you don’t know how to use it properly, then you don’t deserve it.’’