‘I work. I’m tired.’
That is the kind of excuse a woman should never take from her husband. No matter how many women enter the workforce and pick up the torch for feminism, that conventional idea about how man is the breadwinner of the family, will always linger in the air. And the saddest thing is that Islam teaches men and women not to conform with such social norms. That conformity is the result of a blindfold on the weight of justice.
Because of excuses like ‘I work. I’m tired,’ it is very easy to forget that women too can work and can be tired. Women go through the worst labour pain in the world, one that no man can bear…giving birth. That is why, according to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), the woman who has given birth receives the reward equal to a fasting person and spending the night in ibaadat. That is why, according to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), every gulp the baby takes of the mother’s breastmilk is equal to emancipating seventy servants in the path of Allah. That is why, according to Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), the role of the mother is three times more important than the role of the father and paradise lies beneath her feet.
If a woman works, studies and/or raises a family, she is considered a ‘power’ woman in the Western society. Can a man not be a ‘power’ man?
Yes, he can, according to the actions of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). According to Bukhari, a man asked Hadrat Aisha what the Prophet (PBUH) did at home. She replied, ‘He kept busy with housework. He patched his clothes, swept the house, milked the animals, and bought supplies for the house from the market. If his shoes were torn, he mended them himself. He tied the rope to the water bucket. He secured the camel, fed it and ground the flour with the slave.’
Therefore, men are capable of being ‘power’ men who no longer need to use the excuse of routine work outdoors in order to outweigh the importance and necessity of the routine work indoors.
Although the role of mother or wife means love and affection for the family…the father and husband should also chime in.
Mr. Husband does not need to come home from work and listen to Mrs. Wife complain about how he has left his shoes at the doorstep instead of placing them inside the cupboard or how he has tossed his clothes around instead of placing them inside his drawer or wardrobe. No…Mr. Husband does not need this additional stress added to his hard day’s work… and neither does Mrs. Wife.
There are two things Mr. Husband can do to come to a harmonious home: Firstly, clean up after himself. Why wait for the wife to do it for him or complain about the mess! That leads to the second part...take initiative.
Mr. Husband might be coming home exhausted, but must understand that a wife’s or mother’s duties are just as exhaustive. So, why wait for the misses to complain or give orders when he can take initiative! Mr. Husband is intelligent enough to know what makes his family happy.
Just offering a helping hand can go a long way to a loving and healthy marriage and family life. Here are some tips:
1.Your wife is pregnant so bring her a glass of cold water or offer to massage her back.
2.Your wife has cooked dinner so offer to wash the dishes afterwards.
3.Your child(ren) have welcomed you home so play ‘hide-and-seek’ with them before sitting on the sofa, putting your feet up on the table and watching the news.
4.Tuck the child(ren) into bed by telling them a story or reading to them. Maybe Mother can join and you will all have had a lovely family time together.
I had once heard that Eve or Hawa was created from Adam’s rib for a reason and not from his head so as to be superior, and not from his feet lest she should be degraded. She was created from his side as his equal.
This article is meant to be more than just a lecture or a reminder of what our Islamic duties and roles are as husbands, wifes, fathers and mothers; it is a reminder that the next second on this duniya could be our last so cherish the moment…make sure they are well-spent.
‘He (Prophet Muhammad, PBUH) used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for prayer, he would get up for prayer,’ said Hadrat Aisha, as narrated by Al-Asward in Bukhari.