Intimacy After A New Addition

When a baby comes along, it’s fun. It brings happiness to you- the proud parents. It also brings happiness and peace of mind to the grandparents. They can now say to Allah, “I have seen my legacy. You can take my soul now or I will be even cooler if I see them grow and that they remember me.”
Now, with all good comes the inevitable bad that is the twin pair. Rest assured, it’s normal. Good and bad work like yin-yang. Everything was paired by Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) for a reason. Polar opposite pairs bring equilibrium. Therefore, you must learn to work with bad to live fully because you will never eradicate bad in this life.
Moving on. So…when this new bundle of joy arrives, it puts a strain on the intimate relationship you have with your partner. Every parent experience this at some point in their life. You may feel like you will never enjoy intimacy with your mate like in the past.

What if I told you that you can achieve intimacy with or without sex. Yes, with and without the S word. I shall explain.

Let’s start with without. Intimacy is much deeper than a sexual connection. To have intimacy without being physical, you can:
– Kiss, cuddle, spoon with each other whenever the baby is out of the picture ( by that I mean the baby is sleeping for a few minutes because it seems like they have radars going off the minute they feel like them being the center of attraction is being jeopardized by some frisky business)
– Walk hands in hands when you take a walk. I never said too much PDA…The haram police will get me for this if I imply that…
– Give each other back/shoulder massages to relax
– Talk to each other. Ask about how the day went. Just because Mister went to work doesn’t mean he was having a great time out. And just because Mrs. was at home doesn’t mean she was just lovestruck and admiring the baby all day long at home. Vice-versa if gender roles are not traditional. Talking relaxes and removes strains on relationships.
– Bond over tea, sweets, or a movie
Now, the with. This is a challenge and you can overcome it if you take initiative and work together.
If Mrs. is never in the mood, you have to be creative to put her in the mood when she’s completely healed from childbirth.
– Help her with the baby chores without her asking so that she can be less tired to connect with you.
– Be romantic even if that means leaving a piece of sweet for her as small as one Reese’s pieces
– Make her understand that you’re not shallow and that weight gain is an occupational hazard with babies
Having said that, Mr. on the other hand, may assume that you’re always tired and will never make a move on you. Sure at first, you thought he was very understanding and then you realize that he is getting too comfortable and slacking on fulfilling your needs. What are you going to do to change that?
– First, you need to talk to him. He needs to understand that you’re overcomed by lust and something gotta give
– If that doesn’t work, you need to get creative because only you know your mate. But here are some tips:
***Make yourself more attractive than usual at home
***Flirt and be close to him
***Watch a sexy movie together (The haram police will be on this one, wink wink). Sexy is different from Rated R.
***Above all, make time for these things because a steamy romance isn’t going to land on your laps when you’re complaining about wanting more sex wearing your kitchen apron, rocking a messy bun on your head, or when you’re busy working late nights from home.
Sisters, Muslimahs, I hope I piqued your interest on this subject that we all know and live once upon a time. Please share your thoughts.
Jazak’Allah khair for reading,

Papatia Feauxzar

Papatia Feauxzar

Papatia Feauxzar is a practicing Accountant. She focused on personal finance in graduate school. She has a Master of Science in Accounting (MSA). Around the year, Feauxzar expatiate on personal finance and romance tips here and on her blogs. She is also the Online Editor of Hayati Magazine and the author of the first Ivorian Cookbook in English. Also a poet, you can read three of her pieces in "WOKE & LOUD: A Faith-Based Medley of Muslim Poetry & Spoken Word" published by Inked Resistance. Visit her at or .

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