Are You Realistic About What A Real Relationship Is About?


Are you realistic about what a real relationship is about? You probably don’t know the answer so let me help you.

A relationship isn’t supposed to be a nice breeze but why do many people think so? Nothing in life is supposed to be a walk in a park. And Allah made life this way so that we can achieve great things and see the rewards throughout our accomplishments and trials. And everybody needs to understand that.

There is also a reason why many conservative Muslims don’t like to watch TV, listen to Music, and/or pay close attention to the media. You know why? Because it gives you unrealistic hopes. You were probably thinking because they’re the haram police. It could why but it’s not the only reason.

Now, if the following apply to you then you have a problem. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a hopeless romantic but I try to keep my feet on the ground even though I enjoy some of the following in my down time to escape reality. Key words here ‘escape reality’ in case you missed it *wink*. So here we go :

  • Your idea of a perfect union is based on popular romantic movie.

Wrong! There is a reason it’s a movie; it’s fiction. It’s not real! Don’t get your hopes up when you watch them hoping your man or your woman will do the same with the puppy love, the flowers, the travels, the fancy proposals, the loving texts, the etc. and etc. that make such movies romantic in our eyes. We all need to understand that every relationship is different and that what movies make seem as the standard is not the norm.

Your spouse or fiance can love you but they don’t have to be all mushy or money about it. Romance is much more than the media hype. It’s accepting and working with the good and the bad your spouses make you live on the daily basis. Not the snapshots of happily ever after. I have actually wanted to write a book titled What Happens After Happily Ever After for a long time now but I realized that I already have with most of my romance books because the characters live real life scenarios in a marriage setting. Some have a penchant for popular culture and that’s why they are in my fantasy world.

  • You cry when you hear love songs and you think they were written just for you. Worse, you expect your partner to sing and dedicate one to you.

Music is not good for us because it makes us vulnerable and an easy target for emotions (sad, happy, in-between, you name it.) And what unseen creatures love to target our emotions? The djinns. That’s right, djinns love music and that’s another reason why I try to stay away from music these days. It’s not the fear of hot lead pouring in my ears in the next life BUT the fear of being worn by these evil things that makes me contemplate that tainted love from far. May Allah helps us all, amiin.

Movies have soundtracks and after it’s over, don’t let that invisible soundtrack follow you around. Be realistic, life is much more noisier than that. Come back on earth and carry on with your normal daily activities.

  • You watch celebrity couples get married, you watch reality shows about them, and any other power couple out there and you wish to be them.

You don’t know what these people do or how they really behave behind closed doors. I can guarantee that they receive so much evil eye (intentional and unintentional) and that’s the reason there are always tabloids about them or interesting rumors. Don’t envy the smokescreens. Pray for a good relationship with yourself, your Creator, your family, your spouse, keep to yourself and don’t advertise your relationship on social media because Satan loves to break up the man from the woman. Open your eyes, be realistic, and lower your expectations. Really lower your expectations because simple is always rewarding and fulfilling.  I know because I live by that code alhamdullilah. Remember, if something is too good to be true, it probably is!



Papatia Feauxzar

Papatia Feauxzar is a practicing Accountant. She focused on personal finance in graduate school. She has a Master of Science in Accounting (MSA). Around the year, Feauxzar expatiate on personal finance and romance tips here and on her blogs. She is also the Online Editor of Hayati Magazine and the author of the first Ivorian Cookbook in English. Also a poet, you can read three of her pieces in "WOKE & LOUD: A Faith-Based Medley of Muslim Poetry & Spoken Word" published by Inked Resistance. Visit her at or .

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