He proposed. This is the moment all women wait and pray for. However, not all marriage proposals come with an immediate ‘I do’. Some proposals you actually need to think about and carefully weigh the pros and the cons. For times like those, we have the perfect checklist to help with your decision-making process.
Ok fine, he asked you to marry him, but how serious to you think he is? Did he seem sincere, and do you think he is doing it for the right reasons? It may be a bit tough to look at this objectively at first because you might be overjoyed and giddy, but it is essential to know in order to weed out the insincere proposals.
While you take the time to decipher his intentions, perform Istikhara. It is one of the best ways to seek guidance from Allah. A little note of advice as well, try not to ask Allah to follow your will. Instead, ask Him to guide you into making the right decision. A good example would be:
“Ya Allah, I have just been proposed to by X, if you believe that this is the right choice for me, please guide me toward X, if not distance me from that which is not destined for me. Amin”
Once you are inclined towards accepting his proposal, prayer needs to be the cement you and your potential spouse begin to build your foundation out of. Deciding who you will marry is one of the most important decisions you will ever have to make because it is largely responsible for the trajectory your life will take for years to come. That is why it is extremely important that you constantly pray about it and ask Allah to descend his barakah upon you.
Moving forward, as your families meet, and as you embark on this new journey, be conscious of Allah at all turns.
You may have known a few things about each other before, but now is the time to find out everything you have always wanted to know and/or feel like you need to know in order to help you move forward. Here are a few questions you might want answers to:
- How does he deal with anger and disputes?
- Is he a conscious spender?
- Does he have any hidden children somewhere?
- Is he married? (these days you have to ask a million times lol)
- Is he stingy?
- Is he a tidy or messy person?
- What does he expect your role as his wife to be?
- What does he expect your relationship to be like with his family?
When it comes to marriage, what you see is truly what you get. Do not expect that your potential spouse will do a complete 180degrees and transform into the man of your dream. If he already isn’t so, there is little to no chance that he will become so. Make sure you know what your deal breakers are and don’t settle on them.
Now, I am not sure who gets more excited about marriage proposals, the woman or her parents? Needless to say, your parents will be excited. Finally, their daughter is going to leave their home and start her own life, give them 100 grandbabies and live happily ever after (lol). Do not allow their excitement for you to pressure you into making a binding decision you are not ready for, or do not wish to make.
Remember, just because someone is perfect, does not mean that they are perfect for you. If you can already tell that this isn’t the right person for you, you are not attracted them, or your spirit just isn’t at ease, those are good enough reasons to reject a proposal.
Strengthen your ibadah together. It is easy to feel like, “now we are committed to each other so we are as good as married”, false. You are not fully committed until you are married, so stay chaste, and renew your intentions towards Allah together. This will give the two of you more clarity and aid you in your journey.