Why I no longer care about dating as a hijabi

“Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tried?” Quran 29: 2


Allah crated men and women differently. Each gender will be tested in a specific way. I can’t talk for all men, but we all know what the weakness of the majority of them is. Don’t we? **Laughs**

Anyways…It comes a time in a women’s life when she starts craving for attention. She just wants to know she exists to the people around her. It’s not about being able to breathe anymore, it’s about people being conscious of her presence. And by “people” I meant “men”. Let’s say that you and your friends are out and they all get complimented except you. And you standing there, suddenly your mood is cloudy and you ask yourself “Can’t you see me? Am I not a woman too?”

It’s completely normal because it’s in our genes and nature to want to be praised and complimented. Don’t tell yourself that you’re a bad person for feeling that way. However, how you act upon that feeling will determine everything. And that’s where some of us fail. Being the center of men’s attention shouldn’t be our main goal. I know how hard it is to feel invisible, just transparent. Especially when your friends are dressed in skimpy clothes.

Did you think it was a joke when Allah told you we were going to be tested?

I’m still young and still going through phases I need to control. I don’t have a boyfriend. And honestly, there was a time where I was so sad about that. I used to blame to fact that boys didn’t approach me or just were not “attracted” to me to the fact that I had weight to lose. Then I saw curvy girls having boyfriends and then I stopped blaming it on my weight. I found something else, maybe my eyes, or my skin color … everything to justify the state I was in. Well, I listened to Shaytan’s whispers in my ears that I wasn’t enough. That I will never be enough.

Deep down, I knew religiously having a boyfriend was wrong. The weird thing is, I didn’t want one I just wanted them to want me. I remember telling a friend, “It’s good to know that you’re single because you want to, not because nobody wants you as a girlfriend.” And her mindset I lacked at the time was the reason why I wasn’t self-confident. I was seeing my happiness through the eyes of people who didn’t really matter. One day, my friend told me, “I guess they know they can’t get anywhere because you’re a hijabi.”

That’s when it hits me. I am a hijabi! Basically, what her statement made me realize was that I wasn’t that cheap like I thought! Not saying that non-hijabis are, don’t get me wrong. But that dressing code I proudly displayed was definitely saying something, “If you’re not serious about it, don’t even start or come close.”

You don’t need attention from everyone, you only need attention from the ONE. Allah is all you need until He decides to bring someone worthy in your life to travel dunya blissfully with. So don’t be sad about the lack of attention you may face or the fact that you aren’t dating like your peers.

As a muslimah, you don’t want the guy who’s going to whistle at you. You don’t even want to be the girl that boys whistle at. You don’t want to give up on your dignity for a few glares. You’re worth way more than that. That’s a part of wearing hijab too. The man that’ll try to approach you should be sure and honest about his intentions. You’re not invisible or transparent the amount of respect attributed to you is so high that it’s stop irresponsible men from wasting your time.

I stopped obsessing doesn’t mean that my insecurities don’t plague me every now an then. I just reach out to Allah in these moments.

Remember that a test is never easy, and the feeling of accomplishment you’ll have when you’re done is worth the all the hard work. Keep in mind that Allah will reward you with someone that will give you way more than what you imagine is your happiness. Next time, these thoughts of being invisible or not cool fill your mind, look at the situation from a different perspective.

The one that puts you on a pedestal is not the one who will decrease you.




picture credit : Google

Maryam Kabir
Maryam Kabir

Nigerian lifestyle blogger at Veilbymaryam. Business administration student. Cupcake and makeup lover. Trying to help women of her community by sharing her opinions and experiences with everyone who's want to listen.

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